Sharing today an amazing guest blogger, and a Thriving home school mom of 3! She shares Mommy and Me and Everything Inbetween over at homeschoolcrafters.com
Being the youngest child in my family, I had never been around kids growing up. I knew I wanted kids of my own, but I didn’t know how I’d be as a mom or how kids would play a role in my current life. I naively thought I’d take a few months off of work, get a nanny or have my child go to a nursery when I went back to work to pursue my ambitious career.
But that all changed the moment I held my daughter for the first time. I was in love…Honestly, truly, unselfishly in love. I cherished the first three months of my maternity leave, dreading the day that I had to return back to work. It sent me in waves of panic, thinking about leaving my daughter for 8 hours (despite being able to leave her with my husband).
When the time came and I did have to return to work, I was able to last all of 1 month before I quit. I needed to be at home with my baby. The career world no longer held any appeal to me. I no longer was eager to seek a promotion, earn a bigger bonus, have my name recognized for a job well done.
Nope, I just wanted to be able to hold my baby when she needed me or when I needed her. I wanted to be the one to experience her FIRSTS. That was the career I wanted….in fact I know it was the only job I was meant for.
But being an ambitious type of person, I had this mindset that staying at home and being a housewife and mom was not enough. I should still be doing more (I think back at those thoughts and laugh)…being both of those is more than enough work. It was almost like I was embarrassed that I wasn’t accomplishing more. When people asked what I did, I felt lacking when I replied, “Oh, I’m a stay at home mom”.
So, I went back to school to finish my degree. I took online courses so I didn’t have to be away from my daughter. At least now I could tell people, “I stay at home, but I’m getting my BS currently”. It was like I needed to justify that I was doing more than just playing and teaching my daughter, keeping a house, caring for a family.
I graduated and had another baby. I loved being home with my young daughters. Having two was definitely more work and challenging than just one. By the time my youngest was 5 and was off to kindergarten, I felt a huge hole. What do I do with my time? I started exercising with friends, reading more…but I still wasn’t satisfied.
I decided to get a job again. I needed something that made me feel productive while my kids were away. Having a house so full of laughter and sounds, became melancholy when it was quiet. I went back to work at a great job and after a few months, my husband, daughters and I discussed and decided we all wanted to have a baby in the house once again.
This decision sent me over the moon. I was thrilled. I had wanted a third child for a few years, but my husband was the one who had always been against the idea. But he changed his mind and we were blessed to quickly get pregnant.
A lot changed during that pregnancy. It was a semi-high risk pregnancy and I was put on bed rest, and decided to quit my job. During those 5 months I was at home, while my kids were at school. I filled my empty time with reading and researching about homeschooling.
I knew there was one thing missing in our home during the day and that was my daughters. It was like the feeling I had all those years ago when I went back to work, but this time my kids were the ones gone from the house all day. I wanted to be the one to teach them and watch them grow and learn. I wanted to see new concepts “click” in their heads and see the look of joy when they accomplished a new skill. Why should anyone else get the privilege of experiencing those new FIRSTS.